What The F....

Today was one heck of a day! It started out with my best friend telling me his traffic court appeal was turned down. Just because he pulled around a driver, rubber necking to see a policeman give somebody a ticket, he was pulled over for driving too fast. My friend brought in charts and the Judge laughed at them. $240 dollars later my friend left rejected.

Then it was my turn. In not stopping a person from getting out of the building yesterday I was punished. Not following protocols in mental health has led to a domino effect - which was somewhat tragic.

Of course nobody died, but the way things got handled felt like a crime - well at least in my mind. I of course never make mistakes, and I was mistaken to think that the well groomed couple happily leaving the facility needed to be detained.

At the point of the people leaving I had a few choices - 1) Ignore the voice in my head telling me I might have screwed up and tell the staff. 2) Play stupid and ignore the situation where eventually the staff would wonder what happened to the individual. Not aware of a number 3, I opted to contact staff and let the chips fall where they may. Which led to some punitive action towards yours truly.

What happened? Is it more important to be punitive than corrective? This act is getting really old. But as I was told, that 1% time when our guard is down, something serious might happen. What a f'd up way to look at life - but we are in a litigious society and lawyers are on the prowl waiting to pounce on us good doers. But the story get's deeper.

Because the one clinician had to get involved in returning the person to the facility they were contacted and on their own accord returned with their partner confused, angry, and upset. In doing so accusations were flying, a formal complaint towards my coworker was written, and an investigation of the case is now underway. What the f...

I blame myself. So what if I had a few hours sleep, had a dental appt earlier that morning and was ready to pass out upon my arrival to the job. So what if interns have to stay awake for twenty hours in their residency. I learned that when I am not rested simple mistakes can cause huge ripples.

How can I tell my coworker how sorry I am? Another coworker was investigated by patients rights because I told an irate client their name upon leaving. I am still trying to brown nose my way around that one.

I thought I would enter this industry to be of help. Now I feel human, flawed, and upset.

Hopefully the next day will be better. I know what I do 99% of he time. Being human is a new experience - humbling I would admit.